Movie Review: Deathstalker

The very first thing we see in Deathstalker is someone having their head cut off. It perhaps best illustrates what will follow more than any other opening sequence since the Jaws riff that opened Airplane!. Writer and director Steven Kostanski’s remake of the cheesy 1980s swords and sandals adventure flick of the same name was made with obvious love for the original and the genre as a whole as well as a firm understanding of the inherent cheesiness that often comes along with it. As with many of his other films (Psycho Goreman comes to mind) this is definitely not going to be for everyone, but if you think this is something you’ll have fun with, you’re probably correct.

While rummaging through the carnage left behind after a massive battle, Deathstalker (Daniel Bernhardt) discovers a mysterious amulet. An encounter with a two-headed assassin at a tavern makes him realize that it’s a sought-after relic and potentially more trouble than it’s worth, and so he attempts to get rid of it, only to find that it keeps reappearing in his possession. He takes it to the witch Toralva (Tanya Saari) who informs him that it has been bound to him and he will need to find someone who can read the runes inscribed upon it to free himself. She points him toward a wizard named Doodad (Laurie Field; voiced by Patton Oswalt) who is known to be fluent in many dead languages.

Unfortunately, Doodad can’t read it either but believes he could decipher it with the help of a scroll that is currently locked in a crypt. They head there and discover the thief Brisbayne (Christina Orjalo) also looking to get inside as well as the minions of Necronemnon (Nicholas Rice), an ancient necromancer who is seeking the amulet. Deathstalker now feels further incentivized to be rid of the it, but it may be the key to stopping the old man from resurrecting the demon Citor and dooming the entire kingdom.

None of that really matters though, as it’s all basically just an excuse to move our characters from grisly fight to grisly fight, all staged with a heavy reliance on practical effects. The decision lends the violence a satisfying gooiness that CGI just can’t replicate and lends the puppeted creatures an old school charm. Sure, they don’t look very convincing, but anyone who grew up watching movies with similarly cheesy, lovingly hand-crafted effects on late night cable movie marathons won’t mind. The cast knows exactly what sort of movie they’re making and acts accordingly, furthering the campy appeal.

I’m not going to tell you that this movie is “good”, at least not in the traditional sense. But it does exactly what it set out to do, namely entertain its audience via a winningly kitschy throwback adventure, full of gore, one-liners, and vibes that recall legendary trash like Conan the Barbarian and Clash of the Titans. It’s hard to intentionally make a good “bad” movie, but Kostanski proves uniquely suited to doing so. If you think a film that contains a slapstick ode to Ray Harryhausen sounds like a good time, you’ll have an absolute blast with this. ★★★½