While they certainly serve a valuable ecological purpose, spiders are inherently creepy. Despite that, every horror movie starring the creatures as the threat always treats the material with at least a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor—though they are allowed to exist as strictly fearsome in supporting roles in many fantasy franchises. Written by James Murray of Impractical Jokers fame along with Darren Wearmouth and director Maclain Nelson, and based on the novel of the same name also by Murray and Wearmouth, the cheesily entertaining Don’t Move doesn’t make any moves to buck the trend.
One year after losing her son and husband in a tragic carnival accident, Megan (Lyndsy Fonseca) is just managing to get through her days. Pastor Rizzo (Tom Cavanagh) has been trying to get her to join their church’s upcoming camping trip, thinking that it could do her some good, with no success. At the last minute she changes her mind however and so, along with overzealous co-parishioner / self-proclaimed nature expert Paul (Rob Riggle), the pastor’s daughter Emma (Hunter King), her boyfriend Ryan (Joseph Lee Anderson), her shady ex-boyfriend Mike (Matt Biedel), and kindly grandparents Jim (Mark Vaughn) and Maryanne (Dee Freeman) traveling with their grandson Connor (Patrick Bippus), they set off into the woods.
After the surprisingly dark opening, the pace slackens off considerably. We spend a lot of time getting to know the characters, with some exaggerated for laughs and some played straight, making the intended tone of this stretch a little confusing. The cast do well enough with the material however and Fonseca in particular is easy to become invested in. At just about the point when one begins to wonder if anything is ever going to happen, the group finds themselves under attack by a giant spider, forcing them to try and fight for their lives and leaving Megan to wonder if she wasn’t better off remaining miserable at home.
Once the spider appears things really pick up, and while the low budget means the special effects aren’t the greatest, they more than do the trick, especially if you’re already arachnophobic. There are the requisite terrible decisions by the characters, tragic deaths, and enough genuine shocks to make for a fun time as the movie hurtles towards a noticeably brief climax. It’s better than the average SyFy channel movie—though not always by much—and makes for a fun watch, as long as you know what you’re getting into. ★★½
Rated R for language and some violent content / bloody images.






